Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
