It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
