For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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