if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
