Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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