I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
