oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
