If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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