Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
