yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
