So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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