Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
