just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
