mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
