Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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