wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
