its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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