WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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