im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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