They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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