uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
what day is it and did you see me today?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
