"it" just moved
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
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