You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
