I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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