you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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