The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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