super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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