Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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