Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
