What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
