By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
