Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just pee around me
Randomize
