Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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