i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
