there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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