I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
