sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
