I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
