Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
