Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
