you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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