wanna go halves on a baby?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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