Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
