I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
