I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she pinky promised me she was 18
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
