At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I love having hate sex.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
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I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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