Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
