Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We left the knife in your bed.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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