but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
