You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
