Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
