I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
