dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
