She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
