don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
