I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
