It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize