Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
