omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Text me some of your sweat
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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