I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
