i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
