there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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