I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
