yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Terrible idea I love it
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
