My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
