If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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