who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
