i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
