I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
