Apparently you make a good broom.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
