So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
