I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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