Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
