You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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