Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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