also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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