I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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